Are The Rats Fleeing The Ship?

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist has returned to the real world and has changed his position on Federal financing for Embryonic Stem Cell Research. He plans on supporting the bill when it comes to the Senate. Frist, a physician by trade, is running the risk of pissing off Georgie and his half-baked posse in making this politically bold flip-flop. His future Presidential bid has been jeopardized, but hey, a Republican has finally woke up. You go Bill!

NASCAR Is Going Gay

NASCAR, that haven for high testosterone, low I.Q. southern males is getting a little light in the loafers. Sponsored by such traditionally masculine products as "Budweiser" and "Skoal," a new name is now blazed across the hood of one of it's participant's automobiles. "Fruitis." The name alone screams "YOU GO GIRL." So put on your pink wife-beater and your high heeled Nikes. If you are cute enough, they may let you hang out with the pit crew. VROOM-VROOM.

Those Wild And Wacky Christian Folk Are At It Again

C.N.N. ran a story about a Christian Organization that has opened a treatment facility in order to convert young people who are gay into upstanding straight folk. This isn't anything new. I'm just surprised that they still do this sort of thing. But then there was a recent cross burning incident locally, so I guess that nothing should surprise me. I still haven't quite figured out this organization's rules. Participants are to shave daily, keep their hair cut short, cannot wear jewelry, and are not to wear clothing by Calvin Klein. Perhaps there will one day be a group that will try to convert my Chevy into a Buick.

A Day Without O.J........

O.J. Simpson is back in the news. He has been charged with stealing Direct T.V. Killing your wife is one thing, but stealing H.B.O. makes this a whole new ball game. His defence attorneys are working hard trying to come up with a word that rhymes with T.V. Where's Johnny Cochran when you need him? Oh yeah, he's dead.

A Partial List Of Stuff I Really, Really Like

Woody Allen movies....Ben & Jerry's Pistaccio - Pistaccio Ice Cream....Louis Armstrong....smoking....Art Deco....migas....the smell of freshly sliced watermellon and freshly sliced cucumbers....a box of Mrs. See's chocolates - assorted nuts and chews....my computer....Vodka Martinis, straight up with a twist...."Queer Eye For The Straight Guy"....classic jazz....riding in a convertable with the top down and the airconditioner on....living room walls painted pink....Napoleon from The Phoenix in Galveston....fresh bed linens....movie marathons....creme brule....parties at Feleshia and Amanda's...."Six Feet Under"....cheese....cheesecake....Broadway...."Casablanca"....and the list goes on

Now Sweeping The Nation

I love a good catch phrase and not to brag, but I've coined a few myself. O.K., there was only one that I coined myself and I'm not really sure if I origionated it. Well, I was talking last night with someone who has recently gone through a slopppy divorce - are there neat ones? - and she was telling me of her latest experiences. She had been plodding on with her life - nothing exciting - when one day, while in a book store, she struck up a conversation with a nice guy. They had coffee together. They began to date. They shared nice dinners, nice conversations. When talking with her I noticed a lilt in her voice. Her self esteem had been noticely elevated. The old girl was back in the saddle again. Things didn't exactly turn out the way she had hoped. He wanted the relationship to go one way, she another. Nothing bad, just a difference of objectives, but the spark in her life has returned. That's when I told her - get out your pens - "So you didn't get the bakery, at least you got to lick a cupcake." Hope you all like it.

I'm Becoming A Super-Geek

Who ever knew how far this internet thing would take us? And it is only in it's infancy. Better yet, I never imagined how far it would take me. I still remain an internet retard, but the stuff that I learned just this past week has knocked my socks off. I thought that I needed some potassium suppliments. Looked it up, and damn, I sure do. Checked out my cousin's son's band's schedule and got to hear some of it's songs to boot. South American heavy metal is not really my cup of tea, but they are good. I even found out that Jane Kaczmarek - she's the actress who plays the mother on "Malcolm In The Middle" - was born in Milwaukee, Wisconsin in 1955, same as me. My music down load collection is in the tens of thousands. Louis Armstrong - got it. K.D. Lang - got it. Lulu singing "To Sir With Love" - got it. My brain is swimming, and as Karen Carpenter sang, "We've Only Just Begun." I didn't down load that one however. I DO have some standards.

O Canada

Canada has become the third nation in the world to legalize gay marriage. None of that un-godly malarkey for us Americans however. Well, there is Massachusetts, but they have a tradition of marching to the beat of a different drummer. Hey, they were the only state that was carried by George McGovern in his 1972 Presidential bid. No, we Americans prefer having a "tradional" ethical standard. Like being the only civilized nation in the world to have state santioned executions of it's youth. Gay marriage DOES adhere to America's belief in family. The family should be inclusive to all of it's members however.

I Want A New Drug

A new craze performed by our youth was shown on the news this morning. Seems kids are getting off on asphixiating themselves. They use belts, plastic bags or their own fingers in order to knock themselves out. A local girl killed herself yesterday participating in this "new" fad. Sorry kids, this ain't anything new. I remember my brother-in-law telling me of this practice done by students in his class room over 30 years ago. It's one of the reasons he got out of the teacing biz. I guess that everything old IS new again. Oh, those wild and wacky kids.

Here Comes Da Judge

George Bush has nominated John Roberts to fill the vacancy on the Supreme Court. I must commend the President on his bold choice. Imagine........ a conservative, married, white guy in his fifties. Absolutely amazing.

Confessions Of An Internet Retard

Hi. My name is Larry. I'm a computer retard. HI LARRY! Yes, I admit it. I know squat about using one of these things. Friends who are my age, or older, think I'm some sort of computer geek because I can burn cool music onto C.D.'s and that I actually am able to BLOG. These abilities are a smoke screen I use in order to cover up my ineptitude. I can complete these tasks because of the patient teachings of my nephew Ed, his wife Alana and my friend Amanda. I wasn't taught this stuff in school. It didn't exist when I was in school. I will continue at my snail pace until somebody shows me something new. What amazes me is that these people can show me how to do these tasks with out rolling their eyes. I would be screaming, running out of the room if the roles would be reversed. The grasshopper thanks you.

When Doves Cry

My friends Feleshia and Amanda have a home environment that could put the S.P.C.A. Of North Texas to shame. A menagerie of dogs, cats, lovebirds and doves have a loving place in which to live. They have a new dove that cannot live in the atrium with the other birds because it's legs are bad and it has difficulty walking. They named it Larry. Sniff.

Wonka My Willy

"Charlie And The Chocolate Factory" opened this past weekend to generally great reviews. I plan on seeing it once the kiddie crowd thins out. For the two people out there who are not familiar with the story, it's a tale about a makeup wearing, pasty faced guy who lives in a magic kingdom and plays host to a group of kids. The movie has a happy ending too. The guy ends up being aquited.

There's No "I" In Team

Growing up in Wisconsin, I had a hightened exposure to legendary Green Bay Packer football coach Vince Lombardy. Now, 'ol Vince had a famous quote, "Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing." I cannot speak for him - he's been long gone - but I'd like to think that he would be a bit put off by the way this "win at all costs" philosophy has spiraled out of control. The attitude that holds our sports figures in such God like esteem will probably not change in my life time, but there are some ethical aspects to keep in mind. We reward our athletes more than our educators. That's life. But fair play needs to be kept in mind. Not adhearing to this ruins it for us all. Now, GO TEAM, GO.

A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss

The Rolling Stones are going out on the road again. They've been doing this since I was a kid and the fact that Keith Richards is part of this has got to be a testament..........................to something. A great name for the tour would be "Hey, hey, you, you, get off my barca-lounger." Get me my glow sticks and my Metamusel.

One, Two, Three Strikes You're Out

A Pennsylvania Kid's Base Ball Coach has been charged with hiring a student to injure a fellow, mentally challenged team player in order to prevent him from being able to play in a game. I can just hear the conversation at the table in the school cafeteria the next day- Student #1: "My dad is a successful research scientist." Student #2: "My dad is a famous race car driver." Student #3: "My dad hired a guy to cripple a retard." And this year's Man Of The Year Award goes to........................

Dumb And Dumber

After the 9/11 World Trade Center attacks, airport security in this country was greatly increased. Now, after the tragic bombings in London's subway system, security in our mass transit systems has been elevated. Aren't these measures like locking the barn door after the horse gets out? Al-Quaida is full of twisted, psychotic, low life scum balls. I just don't think that they are all that stupid however.

Can You Say I-N-C-O-M-P-E-T-A-N-T

You find yourself at a party, talking on the telephone with a friend or just having lunch with some co-workers when George W. Bush's name comes up. Your mind immediately fills up with examples of his goofs, gaffes, screw-ups and general incompetantcies. You need to get them all organized, so let's give it a try. 1. THE ECONOMY: When George first took residency at 1600 Pennsylvania, our country was experiencing it's first financial surpluss in years, thanks to Bill Clinton. We now have the largest deficit in American history - about 17 trillion dollars. Now we know it hasn't been going to health care, to help with adequately suppling our troops in Iraq or to education. Has George spent it all on bubble gum and base ball cards? 2. IRAQ: The reasons for our going there are un-clear, we are inadequately suppling our brave and courageous troups that are there and we really don't know what our mission is with being there. 3. STEM CELL RESEARCH: George's small minded, idiotic support base doesn't want us getting involved with such an Un-Godly procedure. Of course, George listens to them. I guess that God prefers disease and illness over medical break throughs making people's lives better. 4. DEATH: It's all right for George to sign the death warrants for thousands of inmates, but he just can't let go of a brain dead Florida woman whose husband has decided that it's long past due to pull the plug and end her suffering. 5. SOCIAL SECURITY: This program was begun more than 60 years ago so that older Americans would be able to have some independence and dignity in their later lives. It is going down the toilet and George doesn't have a plunger. Gee Grandma, I hope you like that cat food cook book I gave you for Christmas. You now have a start with your list.

I've Seen The Light

Boy, I had no idea that those late night clubbing days of yester year had me missing out on those Sunday Morning enlightenments I now am getting. T.V. preachers have shown me the truth, the way, the light. Roderick C. Meredith is my favorite. He's based out of North Carolina, a fire and brimstone sort of guy who shoots his message of truth right between the eyes. I had no idea that Armageddon was just around the corner, but thanks to The Reverend Meredith, my eyes have been opened. Apparently, our hedonistic way of life, our murdering of over 40,000,000 babies and our not posting the 10 Commandments in public venues has us on a fast track to Hell. Actually, what surprises me is that these messengers of God are allowed to keep on peddling their crap. Ah, but it's the American Way. People can listen to and shovel their money at anything they want. God bless 'em.

I Know My A,B,C's

A.B.C. News ran a story on a Missouri man who is pushing for stem cell research in the United States. Like you haven't heard me pontificate on this subject before. This one has a little twist. Seems the guy was paralized from the waist down. He had to go to China to have the stem cell surgery done because we don't do that Un-Godly stuff here. He now can walk with assistance and he has regained feeling in his legs and feet. He was told that he can expect a full recovery. Now I know that Oral Roberts has been helping people walk again for years, but hey, let's give this one a try.

Pass The Plate, I'll Empty My Pockets

Teresa Norris has been awarded a $2,000,000.00 judgement for the rape she suffered by a Minister at the church where she was a member. Now I know that being sexually assaulted by a member of the clergy is about as common as being mugged in a dark alley late at night by a crack head, but come on guys, stop it. You are supposed to be filling your parishoners with your twisted spiritual malarky, not with your covered body parts. Religious leaders now require more than sail boats, Armani suits and trips to Aruba. They need money for their legal defences too. So dig deep into your pockets and give until it hurts. Or until you get your brains back. God bless you.

An Ounce Of Flattery Is Worth A Pound Of Chocolate

It flatters me to know that there are people out there who read my BLOG. Actually, it blows me away. In my most recent posting I mentioned how they just don't make candy cigarettes any more. I received a comment - thanks Beth - telling me that you can still buy candy cigarettes at Cracker Barrel. For the two people out there who never heard of Cracker Barrel, it is a restaurant chain that lines the interstate, particularily in the south. When you travel, your destination is not 9, 37 or 261 miles away. It's 6, 27 or 211 Cracker Barrel's away. The restaurant has a retail area in front that sells the coolest crap. Marketing genious. I have purchased See Rock City birdhouses there to give as house warming gifts. My cousin once bought me a box of Fudge Akers from there. Nobody got that one. I thought it was hysterical. Well, thanks Beth, you made my day. And anybody can feel free to send a comment on one of my BLOGS whenever they want.

A Trip Down Memory Lane

I was rummaging through a box of crap the other day when I came upon one of those metal pour spout thingies used to put canned motor oil into my car. I began to reflect on things that you just don't see any more. 1. I haven't seen a commercial for "Dionne Warrick's Psychic Hot Line" in a while. Come to think of it, I haven't seen ads for any psychic hot lines lately. Gosh, do you think people have finally caught on to that scam? I had a friend who's neice came for a visit and during her time with him, ran up a $900.00 phone bill calling these "psychics." Last I heard, the girl is still alive. Come to think of it, I haven't heard a peep from Richard Simmons in a long time either. 2. As a kid, the air in my neighbor hood was filled with garage band music made by kids determined to be the next "Rolling Stones." Their talent and ability was limited and the only song they could do all the way through was "Gloria." Sniff. 3. When I was a kid, my mother had one of those out board motor looking machines with a belt attached. Wrap it around, turn it on and the pounds would just melt away. Guess that the old fashioned way of losing weight is still the best. Diet and excercise. Or break up with a boyfriend. 4. I haven't had a door-to-door salesman calling on me lately. Guess it just isn't safe any more. I still have the occassional religous freak-a-zoid stopping by trying to turn me on to their brand of salvation. If there was a God, lightning would be striking my welcome-mat at that moment. I guess that's because it just isn't safe. 5. I haven't seen candy cigarettes in a long time. I wonder why?

Confessions Of An Internet Retard

You will not find a long list of links or any fancy-schmancy graphics on my BLOG page. Not because I am a basic, down-to-earth Amish sort of guy. It's because I am computer challenged. It isn't because I wasn't paying attention when they were teaching it in school, it's because it didn't exist when I was in school. Hey, it was an easy transformation for me when we switched from rotary to push button telephone. Remote controls can still be a bit tricky for me however. I must take a moment to thank those parents who are still teaching their kids manners. When a young person sits down at the computer with me, they don't roll their eyes or go running out of the room screaming for mercy. I'll learn this stuff eventually - hey, I can down load music - just please be patient with me.

There Was A Farmer, Had A Dog

George Bush left for Scotland in order to attend the G8 conference there. He was disappointed to discover that it wasn't a training camp for futurer BINGO callers.

PAR-TAY

My most recent BLOG post received a comment from a dear friend reminding me of an incident I thought I had sucessfully erased from my mind. The wounds from this experience were reopened - the tears returned. This friend and her girlfriend have the most open and relaxed home environment I know. Guests are always made to feel welcome and loved there. Food and drink are always plentiful and the environment at their home is stimulating, exciting and fun. Allow me to back track a bit. Holidays don't hold the excitment they once held for me, although I still have a tremendous weak spot for their gastimonic delights. My biggest weak spot is for that Christmas Time staple, CHEX-MIX. I was visiting these friends and was handed a bowl full of this snack time treat. I was picking out chashew nuts from the mix and was soon chastised for my lack of social ediquette. "If you get a bunch of nuts in a handful of the mix you have taken, fine. You don't however, go picking them out," I was told. I was crushed. Devistated. Aunt Bee just hit me on the knuckles with a wooden spoon. I didn't mean to be such a thoughtless swine. The lesson that I was taught was necessary. I was ashamed of my rude behavior. My tears however, still flow.

Relax, Don't Do It

There are some personal codes of conduct that are not covered in Emily Post's Book Of Ediquette. I will be more than happy to share my knowledge and personal experiences regarding some of these issues. I will add to this list as they come to mind or I remember personal occurances with some of these social mishaps. 1. Never comment on a woman's pregnancy unless you know for a fact that she is pregnant. Violation of this rule usually occurs when you are in a "no excape" situation. Like on line in a crowded bank or when you just began business with a new client. 2. Never call a crack ho a crack ho. 'Nuff said. 3. When confronted with the last slice of pizza at a social event, don't take it. You will be getting nasty stares from people for the remainder of the evening. 4. If you are in a committed relationship with another person, bottom line is......DON'T MESS AROUND. If you are a person who lacks any self control and still decides to behave in such a dispicable manner, do not perform the act with a friend, relative or co-worker of your definitely better half. Why I waste my breath on this one puzzles me because you are going to go ahead with it any way. More to come.

"Saving Private Ryan"

I watched the movie "Saving Private Ryan" tonight - the first time since I saw it in it's origional theatrical release. I think that it's the best war movie ever made and along with "Schindler's List," the most intense film I have ever seen. The movie holds an added distinction for me because my father was at Normandy on D-Day. Three and a half years prior to that, shortly after enlisting in the Navy at age 19, he was at Pearl Harbor on that fateful December 7 th. morning. I always told him that his World War II travel agent should have been fired. I asked him if he would watch the movie with me when it was newly released on video tape. He said, "No, I saw the origional. That was plenty for me." Dad now resides in a care fascility, his body consumed with bone cancer. His mind, however, is sharp as ever. He can still remember the time I actually caught a fly ball when I played Cub Scout Baseball at age nine, my brother and sister's newspaper drives years ago and the time he made my sister retrace her steps after coming home because he felt it important that she knew the names of the streets she had taken. His humor remains classic Hellestad. I was speaking with him recently when a nurse came into his room to hook him up to his hoist in order to move him. I told him that I would call him back after his "hooker" left the room. He thought that was incredibly funny. I have his whimsicle, twisted sense of humor. Yes, I may be a bit prejudiced, but I think it's fair for me to say that I believe this would be a much better world if it only contained more men like him. He's a class act - a man's man. I love and respect him to pieces.

One More Time

O.K. folks, once more. Stem Cell research is GOOD. Not utilizing this potentially ground breaking technology is BAD. There will be no back-alley doctors taking fetuses from unsuspecting teen age girls in order to conduct their sinister experiments. Lives will be enriched, lives will be saved through this technology. The United States has led the World many times with it's medical advancements. We need to be a part of this one. It is the decent thing to do, the humanitarian thing to do, the right thing to do. Do it.

Heaven Help Us

Sandra Day O'Connor announced that she will be stepping down from her position on the Supreme Court. That means George gets to nominate a replacement for her. John Hinkley now has keys to the gun cabinet. Oy.