Relevant Shmelavant

They say that fifty is now the new thirty. Does that mean that thirty is now the new ten? Turning fifty is no big deal. Turning thirty or forty was the time you had the breakdown. Actually, we are a bit surprised that one of the stupid things we did in our youth didn't kill us by now. At fifty, life as you knew it is pretty much over. You don't go out to the clubs any more - you don't want to go out to the clubs any more. New Year's Eve saw you going out for an early dinner and watching the ball drop on t.v. If you fell asleep before you saw the ball drop, it's no big deal. You now find yourself paying attention to those A.A.R.P. commercials on t.v. and your fluid intake stops by 8p.m. No, you're not turning into that cranky old fart neighbor you had as a kid, you just want life to be hassle free and quieter. Where's my Metamucel?