I'm Ready For My Closeup Mr. President

At a press conference this week President Bush admitted - with a smirk - that he has not seen the movie "Brokeback Mountain." The film has received great reviews and has brought new meaning to the word "cow-poke." Perhaps our President prefers flicks from a few years back. Movies like "Liar Liar" and "The Madness Of King George."

One Small Step

A few years back I was employed at an Optial Store located adjacent to Central Expressway in Dallas, Texas. Directly next door was a Women's Clinic where abortions were performed. Every Saturday morning at 10:00 a bus full of protesters would arrive with their assorted signs embelleshed with pictures of un-born fetuses. Seeing these protesters was reminisent of the old news film clips of White Supremest Nazis and K.K.K. members in their hey day. There was a small strip of grass that our two offices shared and as these wackos off the bus would begin their obnoxious and offensive march, a fellow employee and I would take turns turning on the sprinkler system at just the right time. It was alot of fun soaking these nut cases, especially on colder days. To this day, when I see a laminated picture of an aboorted fetus, I like to think that I am partially responsible as to why it has a protective plastic coating.

There She Is

The Miss America Padgeant airs tonight and officials have made some changes in the event. For the first time it will be held in Las Vegas in place of it's usual locale, Atlantic City. Even George Bush is getting involved. He has promised to rebuild Miss Louisianna.

NEVER, Never Land

Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch has reportedly fallen into major disrepair. Many of the rides no longer work and numerous animals have fallen ill and have even died. If this continues, parents are not going to want their children to visit there any more.

Variety Is The Spice Of Life

Felicity Huffman won a Golden Globe Award for her portrayal of a transgender individual in the movie "Trans-America." The strength of our nation comes from the rich tapestry of diversity of it's citizens and our shame comes from the ignorance and bigotry that various factions in our society must face. Hopefully Ms. Huffman's performance will shed some light on a segment of our population that is victimized by a cruel and ignorant element. America unfortunately has a history of treating people it considers different from the norm in a cruel and bigoted manner. People dealing with gender issues need the support and encouragement that we should be giving them, not the negative treatment that they must face daily.

Relevant Shmelavant

They say that fifty is now the new thirty. Does that mean that thirty is now the new ten? Turning fifty is no big deal. Turning thirty or forty was the time you had the breakdown. Actually, we are a bit surprised that one of the stupid things we did in our youth didn't kill us by now. At fifty, life as you knew it is pretty much over. You don't go out to the clubs any more - you don't want to go out to the clubs any more. New Year's Eve saw you going out for an early dinner and watching the ball drop on t.v. If you fell asleep before you saw the ball drop, it's no big deal. You now find yourself paying attention to those A.A.R.P. commercials on t.v. and your fluid intake stops by 8p.m. No, you're not turning into that cranky old fart neighbor you had as a kid, you just want life to be hassle free and quieter. Where's my Metamucel?

One, Two, Three, Stroke

Prime Minister Sharon is emerging from the induced coma following his stroke and physicians are warning that there may be some impared mental abilities. I don't see what the problem is. Impared mental ability hasn't stopped George Bush.

O Pat, Where Art Thou?

Jimmy Swaggert's empire finally began to crumble after his final bust for solicitating a lady of the evening. Who can ever forget his infamous "I have sinned" speech to his faithful followers. Robert Tilton's house of cards - or shall I say house of cash - began to fall after his flock could not refute the final major exposee of his money raising practices. Now, people who follow these "Men Of God" are not know for their sharp intellect, but come on. Just because your I.Q. scores hover in the room temperature range doesn't mean that you can't see or hear these con men coming a mile away. The current leader of the religous scam artist pack is Pat Robertson. He claims to be God's spokesperson. He's the big "G" man's eyes, ears and mouth. And people continue to believe his crap and fatten his bank account even though he has already broken three or four of his leader's Ten Commandments. Pat says that Prime Minister Sharon's recent stroke may be God's wrath for dividing HIS land in the Middle East. Forget that the Prime Minister has an extremely stressful job, is over 70 years old and weighs in excess of 300 pounds. When you mess with the "Big G," I guess that you are just going to have to pay the price. So pull out your check books 'cuz Papa Pat needs a new pair of shoes and if you believe this baloney, you need serious Psychiatric help.

You're Hired?

Donald Trump has said that he is giving serious consideration for a run at the White House. I blame George Bush for this. He has given people the idea that ANYBODY is capable of being elected President.

I Don't Think So

George W. Bush recently had the audacity to compare his leadership role in regards to the war in Iraq to that of F.D.R.'s role in regards to World War II. Wrongo Dub-Ya. The United States entered World War II after the Japanese attacked our naval forces at Pearl Harbor. George's reasoning for entering Iraq was based on manipulated information and out right lies. Franklin Roosevelt conferred with our allies before entering Normandy. George W. Bush doesn't confer with anybody. I suggest that Dub-Ya just take an even longer vacation at his ranch in Crawford and practice playing his guitar. Apparently his alcohol use in his youth has done some permanent damage to his brain.

Quotable Quotes

"The problem with women is that they are too much like their mothers. The problem with men is that they aren't." -Oscar Wilde

Quotable Quotes

"If you die with more than $10.00 in your pocket, you did something wrong." -Errol Flynn

Quotable Quotes

"There are two kinds of tradgedies in life. One is not getting what you want. The other is getting it." -Oscar Wilde

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Religous images continue to make appearances in the most unlikely of places. Something resembling Jesus Christ showed up in an oil stain on the floor of a garage, and The Virgin Mary appeared on a piling beneath a bridge in Chicago. The latest appearance of God's artwork made it's way onto the bark of a tree in Dallas. The faithful wept and prayed as they made their pilgrimage to this holy sighting. It once was said that if you put enough monkies at enough typewriters, one of them would eventually type a cohesive sentence. Along those same lines, I figure that if you look at the bark of enough trees, you will eventually see something resembling sometrhing remotely familiar. I've decided not to scrub out my bathtub for a few days and see what shows up. Perhaps an image of Soupy Sales.

A Penny Saved

Last week I decided to take some economic saving steps in my life. I was paying for two internet servers, so I cancelled one. By signing on for an additional two years with my cell phone provider, I could save some money on that bill. The monies I saved could pay for three drinks or two movie outings. Call the Treasury Department. Last month, I entered some on-line raffles. I won squat, but for a little while I could fantisize about the prizes U.P.S. would be delivering to my door. The one I had the most fun thinking about was a raffle held by Comedy Central. The prize was the sofa briefly used on "The Daily Show." An assortment of guests sat on that prized sofa being raffled off. I wanted to have a homoSEXUAL experience in the same spot that Newt Gingrich once sat. Time for me to click my heels and return to Earth.