Monday, Tuesday, Happy Days

Rep. Rich "Duke" Cunningham - no, not the Ron Howard character on T.V. - tearfully resigned his Congressional seat after admitting to charges against him including money laundering and taking bribes. If he wants sympathy, he'll have to look it up in the dictionary - it comes between shit and syphylis. I have been giving consideration to adopting a dog from Greyhound Rescue or the S.P.C.A. after I move. Duke is on my list of names that I will not use for my new pet, along with Scooter and Brownie. Damn Republicans.

Touch Me Later

Human interest stories on television and in the newspaper usually have the effect on me that I could achieve by sticking my fingers down my throat. One made it's way through my generally cynical veneer and put a smile on my face and warmed the cockles of my heart. There was a fifth grade student in Houston who was receiving chemotherapy treatments for his cancer. His hair was falling out, making him feel extremely self conscience. In order to help the student feel more like the others, his male classmates had their heads shaved and their male teacher did the same. This one did it for me. Where's my Kleenex?

Charleton Heston's Penis

Dominic Maldonado went to a near-by shopping mall in Tacoma, Washington wearing his trench coat, carrying his guitar case. No, he wasn't getting his instrument restrung, instead he was using his guitar case to contain a semi-automatic assault rifle. He pulled out his gun and began shooting people. This type of weapon is not used for deer hunting, duck hunting or skeet shooting. It's only purpose is to shoot people. The N.R.A. is very posessive about it's penis and you better not touch it - it's in The United States Constitution. Tell that to the people victimized by a weapon who's only purpose is to shoot them.

Pretty In Pink

There are two types of gay movies, straight/gay and gay/gay films. No, I'm not referring to ones in which the "actors" exchange bodily fluids, rather ones you can see at the local art-cimema. The former category would include such flicks as "The Birdcage" and "Victor-Victoria," gay films for a straight audience, making breeders think that they are in tune with alternative life styles. Queers are no longer exclusively the psycho killer or the laughable, wacky neighbor. We're here, we're queer, we're branching out, so get used to it. The latter catagory is for gay films which more realisticly reflect our varied lives. Movies such as "Desert Hearts," "Ma Vie En Rose" and "The Sum Of Us." Yes, the group is unique but it is also diverse, and Hollywood may finally be catching on. MAYBE.

Time To Take Out The Trash

Far from being in need of life support equipment, Reality T.V. does appear to have a new kid on the block - White Trash, Redneck Television. Bubba is finally getting the recognition he's longed for since his prize rooster was killed in a cock fight. This genre seems to fall in one of three subcatagories. There are the shows that reflect it's existance, like "My Name Is Earl," "Judge Judy" and "Cops." Then there are the shows that actually celebrate it's presence like "Redneck Comedy Tour." The most pathetic of this group seems to be the shows that actually encourage this type of behavior, such as "Jerry Springer" and "Maury Povich." Yes, this genre has been around on and off for some time, notably with "Hee-Haw" and "The Beverly Hillbillies," but now it seems to actually make this type of behavior "acceptable." So, fire up the still and pull out that bag of pork rinds 'cuz cousin Darlene is about to bitch slap that tramp in the next trailer on "Jerry Springer."

Deep Thoughts

Show respect to Fire Fighters and Police Officers. Actually, it's a good idea to show respect to anybody who can kick your ass or shoot you.

Confucius Say...........................

The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man who you can.

Confucius Say..........................

There are two kinds of men in the world. Those who can wear tank tops and those who can't.

Pat Is Pissed Because God Is Pissed

When you sign over your Social Security check to Pat Robertson's 700 Club, rest assured it's going to good use. Like paying for that astranomical phone bill for all those calls he makes to God. Acording to Pat, the citizens of Dover, Pennsylvania have really pissed off the "G" man BIG TIME. They voted members of the local school board out of office because they wanted "Intelligent Design" taught in place of that Evolution malarkey. Pat said that the hurricanes that struck Florida were because of people allowing the flying of a gay flag, that the hurricane that struck New Orleans was because of all of the debauchery that goes on there and when an Earthquake struck California a few years back, it was because of all that filthy pornography they produce there. I wonder what's in store for the people of Dover? I know. He's going to make it really, really cold up there the next few months and have white flakes fall from the sky. That will show those heathens not to mess with him or Pat.

Equal Is As Equal Does

Marriage is not a civil right, however protection from discrimination against any element in our society is. Local and State Legislators in numerous Munincipalaties have decided that it is alright to place marital restrictions on individuals only because of their sexual orientation. And that my friend is discrimination. There was a time when people were prevented from marrying only because of a difference in their race - a practice that has since been found to be illegal. Preventing otherwise qualified people from legally unifying their relationships and receiving the benefits afforded to such individuals is a violation of their Civil Rights. And that my friend is just Un-American.

Just Like Santa Claus

George Bush went to Argentina in order to attend a Summit Meeting. Apparently he wanted to go the same way his approval rating in the polls is heading..................South

Blasts From The Past

As I age, I have been experiencing names and occurrances escaping the dungeon of my memory bank, ascending the stairs and taking a brief seat in it's living room. Last night as I was taking some garbage out to the dumpster, into my head popped another one, Waldamir Schultz. Waldamir was an usher at the church my family attended when I was a child. He was a rather rotund individual whose hair - or what was left of it - hadn't seen a comb since World War II and his clothes appeared to have come from the Fred Mertz collection. You know, belt around his waist located somewhere near his chest. A life long "bachelor," Waldimir packed shoes for a living at a small warehouse and he held the distinction of being the President of the West Allis, Wisconsin Chapter of The N.A.A.C.P. For those of you uninformed as to the whereabouts of West Allis, Wisconsin, it is a white, lower middle class suburb of Milwaukee, and is home to perhaps 2 or 3 black individuals. Why Waldamir's name made a sudden appearance in my head, I'll never know. Perhaps all that drug usage is coming back to haunt me.

Bang, Bang..............You're Dead

I've decided to take a brief break from my last several BLOG postings once I found it neccessary to delete an entry in which I compared George Bush's actions to those of Adolph Hitler, Pol Pot and Idi Amin. Instead, I will take on a kinder, gentler, safer topic. Hand guns. Yeah, sure - safer topic my ass. Yes, hand guns are Constitutionaly protected entities and the people into these toys of destruction are more fervent on this subject than members of The Nation Of Islam are about their religion. It does confuse me a bit since a dildo will provide the same effect for these people, and it's safer and cheaper. But we are dealing with people who post bumper stickers and wear tee-shirts that say that the only way you will take away their guns is if you pry them from their cold, dead fingers. They are beginning to make people who hold vigils outside of comatose women's hospital rooms look normal. Good luck trying to take away these psudo metal phallic symbols from these people. Instead, I have a better idea and it's right to own protection is not even mentioned in the Constitution. Let them keep their toys of psychological masterbation and just outlaw the bullets. That way they can keep their toys and nobody gets hurt. Besides, it's a whole lot more practical. You will never irradicate the gun problem, but we can stop the posession of bullets in our generation. Case closed.

Yes, I Remember It Well

Remember the good old days when a cup of coffee cost only a dime and "outing" a homosexual in order to disgrace and ruin their lives occurred? Well, now you pay $4.00 for that java at "Starbucks," and homos are popping up everywhere, thus lessening the negative stigma homosexuality once held. So new tactics have to be formulated. If you don't like what somebody says, just reveal that their spouse is a C.I.A. operative. If that tactic blows up in your face, try deflecting the people with some nice diversion - like the bird flu pandemic. Hey, don't worry about your house being on fire because the volcano is about to erupt. Yes, Civil Rights for Gays still has a long journey ahead, but rectifying the damages done by the present Administration may even be longer.

Deep Thoughts

Nothing helps cement the bond between a father and son better than getting drunk together and throwing a dead hooker down a well.

Everything's Coming Up Rosa's

Rosa Parks, the woman who refused to surrender her seat on the bus to a white man thus igniting the Civil Rights Movement, was burried in her native city of Detroit. Many people can't believe that there was a time in our Nation's history when segregtation was so openly and blantantly oppressive. Even more people cannot conceieve a time when white men actually rode the bus.