Mardi Gras

Mardi Gras celebrations are being held in New Orleans as well as the rest of the Gulf Coast region. The largest parades will be on Tuesday and even F.E.M.A. has a float entry this year. Unfortunately it won't be showing up until Labor Day.

Do Not Pass Go

Vice Pesident Dick Cheney's recent hunting "accident" underlines the fact that Americans do not have the intelligence or responsibility to posess these symbolic phallic symbols of destruction. Since taking these toys away from these immature and incapable of posessing owners is pretty much impossible, other measures must be taken. If you are convicted of injuring or killing a person with a gun, you should never be able to see the light of day again. Ditto if you use one to commit an infraction of the law or violate any of the regulations imposed on you. Be careful not to drop the soap in the shower durung your long stay. A zero tolerance stance needs to be taken immediately.

Make My Milk Homo-genized

No longer satisfied with numerous gay themed movie nominations at this year's Academy Awards, homosexuals are spanning out to yet another staple in your neighborhood - the corner grocery store. So pull that big fat thing out of your pants - no, not THAT you sicko. I'm talking about your wallet - and get ready to shell out all those three dollar bills. We're taking over the grocery stores one isle at a time. We are starting with the cereal section and proceding all the way through fresh fruits. Get ready for some new names on those boxes. Yes, "Fruit Loops" have been around for years, but we want more. New cereal names to hit the shelves soon will be "Special-Gay" and "Capote-Meal." It stays crunchy in milk as well as "In Cold Blood." We're here, we're queer, we're taking your money, get used to it. I'll let you know of our next move after the next meeting.

Bang Bang, My Baby Shot Me Down

George Bush's claim that Iraq posessed weapons of mass destruction was found out to be a lie. In actuality, it was found out that these weapons were posessed by Dick Cheney.

THE END OF AN ERA............STOP

With little fanfare, Western Union has discontinued it's long standing telegram service. Yes, there are new technologies that have replaced this service, but the romance that it once held still brought a tear to my eye. A fond good bye.

Super Bizarre

Alright, I actually watched an entire Super Bowl game yesterday for the first time in my life. When do I get my testosterone card? People exhibit behavior for these events that you can usually find at an All Star Wrestling show. Adorning themselves wirh body paint and signs, you would think that they have some type of vested interest in the game. It would be like getting excited when "Cottonelle" outsells "Charmin." Nascar fans behave better and that's saying alot. The whole spectacal is moronic at best. Get a life folks.

Lock The Door And Throw Away The Key

N.B.C.'s "Date Line" ran the third episode in a series about on-line sexual predators. With the exception of all being male, there were no other common denominators found in these twisted individuals. All ages, economic, ethnic and professional backrounds were represented. Personally, I have known three individuals who were victimized as children and they have carried those demons into their adult lives. We do not know what origionally triggered this type of behavior in their lives, but we do know that there is nothing that can successfully deter their behavior. Now I pride myself on being a civil libertarian, however until we are able to determine how to stop this behavior, these individuals cannot be allowed to exist in society. After just one conviction of this type of infraction, these men must be totally isolated from the population. The damage that they inflict upon their victims cannot be tolerated by a civilized society.

All Talk, But No Action

During his State Of The Union Address last night, President Bush showed that he is a man who can "talk the talk" but not "walk the walk." Paying tribute to Coretta Scott King was a nice gesture, but where was he when predominately black communities were ravaged by Hurricane Katrina? Vowing full support for the men and women fighting in Iraq was very good and proper, but why are these heroic Americans not given the necessary tools to inplement the task? Promising huge budget cuts, yet in turn advocating large expenditures for assorted programs just doesn't make sense. Our President reminds me of the single port-a-potty at a Cinco De Mayo fesival.............full of crap.